Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
