it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
