You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
