dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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