dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
