He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Congratulations! We have a period
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize