I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
