i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pooping to opera.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
