so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
