Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
