i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
