My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I AM VODKA MAN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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