Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
