is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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