i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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