just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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