Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
