If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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