Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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