One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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