Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
