when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
