Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
