Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
