just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
