Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Please don't give away my fajitas
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
