Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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