I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize