did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
