it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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