I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Found your dick twin last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
