Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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