that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
