Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
