i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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