I wish I could teleport
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
