i wish my penis had a tongue
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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