I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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