We won't sleep together?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
