I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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