6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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