the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
