He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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