ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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