you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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