saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
