Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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