just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
