do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
