I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
