I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
