Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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