I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
