i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
