ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
