Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
