Kiss
Puke
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
