gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
