I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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