So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
