So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize