It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
