I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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