I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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