just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
