dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
