Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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