evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got inside last night via doggy door
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
