The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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