Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
