Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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