what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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