can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
