Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
