You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
