i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ttyl tear gas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
