My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
